It's 5:00am on a warm spring day a few years ago . I'm lying in my highrise luxury condo downtown. My longtime girlfriend is lying beside me with her little chihuahua that I've come to love as my own. In what seemed like 5 seconds we are both awake and realizing that what's woken us is someone banging hard on the door.
"I think we're being robbed ." She says
later she tells me that even though I was still confused and half asleep I suddenly sit up and announce
"It's the cops"
At that same moment the door I reinforced suddenly gives with the sickening sound of splintering wood and multiple voices announcing "Police! Search warrant" and all of them yelling "HANDS! HANDS! LET US SEE YOUR FUCKIN HANDS!" I'm now on my feet, with all of this occurring within about 5 seconds. The police have strormed into the condo and all I can think to shout to them over a couple times is "WE ARE UNARMED!" "WE ARE UNARMED because now there's people grabbing me, there's guys pointing guns , there's confusion and there's my girlfriend and her dog on the bed . Now I'm pulled out of the small bedroom and pushed to the floor. Hands are cuffed behind me and I'm sat on the couch by the officers.
That's when i had my first thought.
I'm in trouble.
There's about 15 men swarming around me and my condo all wearing vests that say something different . "Asian Organized Crime Task Force." "Drug Squad" I remember was one I found funny for some strange reason. Too vague . "Gangs and Guns"
The first thing one cop says is
"What the fuck is with your door ?!" Later In court he comments " I've hit hundreds of doors I don't know what this kid did to his door but we had to take turns smashing on this thing with the ram before we eventually just smashed the wood away" my lawyer leans over and says " wow he's really impressed with your door "
One of the officers says "ok kid where is it? Just give it up."
I'm sitting silent at this point , and they're standing over me asking me where it is. I know what they've come for it was just dropped off the night before which I'm sure was no coincidence.
My mind starts racing. Who ratted me out? There could only be one person and I refuse to believe it. Not my best friend who lives a few floors up.. there's no way it could be could there?
That's when my brain turns on, and the first words out of my mouth since I was cuffed:
"I'm not talking to you, and I demand to see the warrant right now."
The officers exchange looks and the older one who told me to give it up nods at the younger one who puts the multi paged warrant on the couch infront of me.
He even allows me to read it and flips the pages for me since I'm cuffed.
That's when I realized I hadn't been ratted out at all, that this was a huge investigation, and that my best friend was also named in the warrant alongside me. That means his door is smashed upstairs too.
One of the cops pulls out a huge bag of over 500 grams of powder from my cupboard where It was sitting in plain view.
"What the fuck is this?"
"It's nothing " I say honestly. A bag of vitamin b powder I stuck there as a diversion In case of this situation or robbery.
"Doesn't look like nothing to me " officer says .
I quickly catch myself and start to act like they found it.
"Ok ok it's coke.. that's all I have .
Hoping they wouldn't find the kilo of heroin that I've broken down into smaller packages and hid inside electrical components strewn around the condo.
They lead me out, into the glare of the media who's waiting downstairs for us and my friends who live in the same building. I keep my head up. Fuck all of you I'm not going down hiding my face like a coward.
Later when I see the newspaper I think ahh maybe I should have hid my face like a coward lol.
So now both my girl and I are in the back of a squad car where we will remain for 5 hours while waiting to get booked with the rest of the boys and their girlfriends who all happened to stay the night too. We later discover they did that purposefully to use the charged women as leverage to get us to plea out . Fuck that. Eventually the court withdrew all the women's charges. I don't hate the police but I always thought that was a really low underhanded thing to do. It's is very painful to have your hands cuffed hard behind you while they're pressing against the car seat and getting tighter for 5 hours. When they remove the cuffs my wrists are ripped up and bleeding .
The first thing that hits you when you are first brought to a police station and led down to the cells is the smell. Horrible. Smells like wasted life and hopelessness mixed together. Someone had scrawled "keep stacking " beside a diagram of money. I then realized how hopeless the drug trade really is . It never ends well. If you're not caught it will be impossible for you to live your life without at some point going back into it if you manage to get out before you're caught.
Because this is technically my first offence (but not really , more on that later) I'm let out on bail and remanded to live with my mother who was my surety.
The good life is suddenly over. In the first days after something like that you feel useless because what you were good at is now gone as the entire organization is temporarily out of business and most not making bail. Loud noises jar me awake at night . Panting trying to catch my breath.
Flash forward to a few years later : I still think it was really no big deal to be raided and invaded like that but my therapist thinks otherwise. She thinks I'm some kind of victim. It's ridiculous I know . She thinks my years involved with this life.. being a witness to my friend being shot to death has scarred me.. made me develop a form of PTSD . I laugh when she suggests this. I tell her I'm no fuckin victim. In my head I wish I could have the courage to tell her
"Are you fucking crazy? I made profit off the inevitable misery of others addictions." I feel like spitting in her face, or maybe I feel like spitting in my own face. I don't say anything which is another problem and I politely tell her truthfully that I have to go as I've got meetings to attend to that I don't have the option of being late for. Therapy will have to wait. It was back to business 3 months after the raids.